GRACIOUS ME

today's a crappy day. nvm. tml will be a better day(: last paper's up tml. FMGT. the curse of my life. why do we seriously have to study things that we will throw it behind our mind once paper is over? NO POINT! its okay. i shall learn to love it(: for now i mean.

i-dont-know-what-to-say. am i being overly emotional over some matters? i couldnt help but felt butterflies in my stomach and tears almost came rolling down my face. its scary how the world can be. its scary how some men can be. i question myself today. will this ever happen to me again. and then again, i fear. is it a fear? or has it became a phobia? i dont know. i have many thoughts towards such issue and many questions too. they dont deserve me cursing or swearing cause thats how life could be. the fear in me grows. i came to question myself another, should i trust anymore? i fear lies. sometimes when your day was filled with hapineess and suddenly, something bad struck you. that feeling. i want to die. you will feel like banging against the wall and just die. seriously.

that red pumping thing shattered when i see upon my close little princess, shedding tears, trying to cover. i saw that split image of me. wearing a mask, trying to look happy. i seldom share my emotion cause i felt better being alone. i felt better hiding under those blankets, talking a stroll alone. princess, dont hide please. no one knows better this feeling but me. it hurts not releasing. i found you. omeone who i can tell every truth. i hope i play the same role too. princess i know you inside out. i know, how u felt. my ears are always open my time is always here.

life's been a whore cause of exams. but having dear by my side was the best thing out of everything. thanks for all the constant support, the time spent. thanks for taking time out. even when you are busy from head to toe from monday to sunday from twelve nn to twelve midnight. thanks for sparing that time even when u have serious business on hands. like i said "time was the best gift you gave"

just tell me you'll never let this happen to me. just tell me you'll never stop loving me. just tell me everything will be like it is now. just tell me we'll give in to each other. just tell me i am the only one in your heart. just tell me you'll love me forever.

i swear i will master "si shou lian tan" just for you.

no. me and vin is fine then and again. just some. review of my thoughts. thats all.

assurance needed,
claire

spoiled little pampered brat (BREAD) =D

finally have a little time to post. not because i have finish revision for RFA. but because i wanted to take some rest=)

finished PFS. left theory. hope i'll scrap thru somehow. RAH!

my weekends was. fab! even though audit paper was on sat. the fun on sunday totally rule over it. out with dear, carrise and jaime. the two girls are really cute kiddos=) anyway. supper at bukit timah and then to bird hill. home sweet home after that. waited for dear's call and fell asleep all the way till dear called this morning. free delivery for breakfast. THX DEAR^^ even it was just that split second. it was sweeter then anything. i love the way you cuddle me=D

ok. maybe i should sleep for a while and cont study. should i? yes i should=)

alrights. i am starting to write craps. maybe i should post a list of things i wanna do:

1) start to find a job to kill time for hols
2) rush on the make over shoot schedule ( dont cheat my $$ i tell you )
3) GO ON A TRIP TO BALI!!!!
4) practice my new piece.
5) buy a me to you bear photo frame, slipper
6) go see skin care doctor
7) exams TO BE OVER=)

alrights. bye loves. i miss les anyway

claire
6)

reminscence the past

been occupied with revision almost everyday. so that explains the lag of posts. saturday will be my first paper. audit. bless me with lucks pls.

anyway. happen to NOTICE the few other blogs that i once owned. read some of the posts. felt. er. weird. with all the twit language that i once used. the lousily phrased sentences and the ...... beside every single sentences MADE ME LAUGHED. and i once used to include quotes at the end of each post. LOL. its quite nice to read back what u have wrote and realise you have grown and learned. what wrongs u once did and what great memories u once had. seriously. DONT DELETE UR BLOGS! =DD haha. and i got FOUR blogs. like LOL!

anyway. been spending most of my time with vin recently for revision. and i like it that way(: BUT I LOST MY BLACK JACKET. know, my fav black knitted esprit one? RAH! i hate myself for being such a sotong. damm

rights. better go bath and start studying.

bye

with loves,
claire

typed a whole chunk previously. decided to delete it away.

admit fault
complain whos fault
its no ones fault

i just still dont understand.

NO, its nt about me and dear. we're fine and going strong. just some. people.

bye

I WAN TO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUTTA ME!

rahhh. seriously. i HATE exams i HATE exams I HATE EXAMS!!! i cant focus. i cant keep my cool. I CANT STUDY! oh seriously i wanna scold FUCK! can i just quit school now. AND RIGHT NOW? where's those motivation to study? where's the concentration i need. ahhhhh~ seriously I wanna go ecp and scream my lungs outta me.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

tell ME I AM MOTIVATED. oh freak!

RAHHHH!

i feel like crying.
now.

bye

MOTIVATION.

rahhhh. tired like dog. christianto's reaching at 9.25. RAHHH. hatta go fetch him. UNWILLING! =( hmmmm. nothing to blog. tired. RAHHHHHHH!

bye.

claire

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 2009

Alvin & Claire

On this very special day of the year, we created ourselves the most wonderful memories. Spent the entire day at sentosa. Thanks dear, for everything you have brought to me. For loving caring and embracing me. Thanks for being sucha sweet love of my life. i simply love you(:

Dear came over early morning to fetch me. ate our breakfast at 504. then drove to sentosa. we got lost again. TEEHEE! and all thx to my CLEVERNESS. we reached. ok la. i admit you were the one who ultimately found the road. HAHA. ok. WE found our way there together(: roamed around sentosa. stroll our way to tanjong. vin has never been there. HOW SK! haha. we were sweating like no tomorrow. weather was real hot. anyhow, we got down to siloso, got his tanning oil. Vin is freak. he was under the sun and didnt manage to turn black. BUT I WAS UNDER THE SHADE and i got tan lines. HOW NICE=( sun block with SPF130 didnt work at ALL! rahhh, whatever. we talked about everything under the sun. know, like what couples always do? haha. rights. went back to beetle to get MY SANDWICH. muahha. i clearly enjoyed it totally. dear woke up early morning to prepare it. TOTALLY nice. LOL. i bet i look like a glutton while indulging in the sandwich. hee. then bathed and went to the most southern point and enjoyed the scenery. it was the best time of the day. it was like some fairytale story coming true. it was how i always imagined myself to be in with my lover. DEAR, you made my fairytale story came through. Everything was OH-SO-ROMANTIC. we stood there under the sunset with the smoothing wind caressing our faces. The view was totally fabulous. you could even see the sun reflecting from the sea. the thuds of the waves seems like they were composing a song for us. all we did was hugged together and chatted our hearts out. those frequent reader of my blog will know, THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS DREAMT FOR. i always loved nature and i always blogged about how i want to be at that scene. and ALL THIS CAME TRUE. dear, thanks for making my fairytale story so true. NO, it was true totally. I LOVE THAT TO BITS! anyway, went for sky dining. food was alright. but the service was totally under rated! dear, was so freaked out when the cabin shook. i couldnt stop laughing. EVIL! hahaha. anyhow. after that we didnt exist sentosa immediately CAUSE someone KEPT laughing NON stop cause of a concentrated glass of champagne. HAHAHAH! evil! anyhow. went back to the same spot again. enjoyed myself totally. i felt so in love. like, love was in the air. drove home after that. was totally worn out ald. fell asleep in the car.

i can't get that moment of my mind. it was exquiste beauty. Alvin Chua, I simply love you. darl, you're too good to be true. i'm nothing without you!

pictures below. there's many better once. BUT someone is NO free to upload. HAHAH! so yea. for now, enjoy this. its hardwork editing. ok. not much actually. hahah

Claire simply loves Alvin

after dear swam. HAHA. and did i mention i like sporty people?
I know i didnt mention about this yet. I RECEIVE THE FIRST EVER BOUQUET OF FLOWER FROM MY BF! rahh. I WAS THRILLED! thanks dear! you never fail to make my day. rah! vin fell asleep while tanning. made me super guilty=( *sayang* camwhoring never missed out=D
i enjoyed this valentine. nothing can explain the joy. esp that my fairytale story came TRUE!

with all bits of my love,
claire

mugging-girl (PS: wordy post)

wanted to upload some photos but seriously no time to. that was taken last weekend. was miss chef claire on saturday. been ages since i cooked. wip a meal for my dear niece and coussie. taught her tuition then head JP to get some stuff. reach home and slacked. dear came at ard 8 plus to pass me the cupcakes he bought for me. thx love! sunday was best of all. had tuition at cheyenne's place then met mummy for breakfast at enak. homed. dear came over and fetch me in the afternoon. went to loads of farm. totally fantastic! ending with a meal at ajisen CCK. drove to dear's hse and slacked. dinnered and dear drove me home. ALVIN MADE THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH DOGS. omgod! lol. and his loving it more. -.- monday was out whole day with jo. kbox, jp and to my hse to slack. i had fun really. even though my voice was hoarsed. girls-gossip are always loved. some unhappy happened. but nvm. tuesday morning. vin came over with breakfast. couldnt eat much also. slacked and he brought me out for lunch then drove me to school for serve batam briefing. i kinda did something wrong and made jacqueline angry. sorry love. then off to tuition. acc-ed vin to get some flowers and he drove me home. slacked and off i head to mac. camped till 3am plus and homed. pretty conducive. manage to complete some RFA chapters. happied=) just woke up and ltr off to study again.

mugging is not hated after all. and what motivates me more is days at formica. its coming soon=)

loves,
claire

freak i am late. BUT i still wanna post this.

some people are just a thorn in the eyes. IRKSOME! sometimes. you would need some lesson to grow and learn. you are lucky you met nice people. but the society AINT THIS WAY! ok. sorry for writing such a bitchy comment here. but I DONT CARE CAUSE YOU ARE HURTING MY LOVE ONE. RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

PS: i miss the rah rah contigent. RAHHHHHHHHHHH!

with blood-boiling,
claire

stress-days-starts-now

good morning loves! have many many things to blog. but. no time. exams are near the corner and yet i have started zero percent of revision. i can see mac days getting harder and tougher. will post pictures of yesterday and the day before. in no mood and no time to blog. maybe in the late evening i will.

my aim for today: start to sort out of notes (can u imagine i haven even done this?).

alrights. i have to continue to search for something online. be back!

claire

YIPEE!

ok. i am lazy to type. so let pictures do the talking. shall i?

went to play arcade with dear yesterday. it was totally AWESOME! we caught this pair of mickey hands. RAH! we didnt even know we hit jackpot until after being stunned for a few seconds! i love this mickey hands. its meaninful=)

went yam cha for celebration of bel and joyce bday today! we camwhore like no tml. i love these girls really. we had fun. and as usual. JOKES WERE CRACKED=D

all this are taken on joyce birthday at ACCAMP booth=D OH! giving some free publicity, JOIN US AT ACCAMP! its reserve only for ACC students from YEAR 1 to YEAR 3! join us and have fun!

click on the photo for enlargement.

PS: i feel a struggle within myself. sometimes i feel so helpless yet i hatta pretend i am still strong and moving on. i feel like shredding off the fake smile on my face. sometimes i cant accept the fact that i lost to time. i felt dark in the room. i dunno how much do i occupy this room. or even how long can i stay inside this room. sometimes i feel insecure staying inside. cause i don't know is the room locked. i need some assurance really. maybe i should just open the window and let some light in, no? mabe that'll make me feel better, no? had enough of fear. had enough of struggle. i am tired. just one sentence killed me totally. how stupid was that? maybe, afterall, i still can't open up and trust. prove me wrong someone. prove me that there is still things i can trust myself on. many decisions made in the past; i dont know if i was right or wrong. i dont know should i be selfish and think of myself. i dont know what will happen in future. and i dont know if i will regret anything. i fear to draw a step further. cause i fear things to turn out ugly. someone said this to me before "get out of your fairytale story baby, its not gonna happen!" is it really the truth. is it true that fairytale don happen to real life. issit true that there is never happy ending. i dont know. maybe i should just stay inside the room and snuggle under those blanket. safe and warmth. till the day. someone get me outta it. i grew and learn. i learnt that i cannot be WHO I AM. but i must be WHO I SHOULD BE. somethings, being persistent aint gonna help. and i know. you. motivated me to change. really.

loves,

claire

HAPPY MORNING =]

am in audit class now. tired=( went to dear house for dinner ytd with his mother side family. was sick. so looked a little tired and worn out. still i had fun=) reach home at abt 12. mummy was still awake waiting to feed me medicine. felt so guilty. =X anyhow. slept till 830 this morning . till dear call and woke me up. luckily. if not i would have slept all the way to afternoon. dear drove me to school and stayed to study. which is now in our space. thanks dear. felt so guily for making you wake up so early. but i felt so LOVED. muack! i love you. lunch ltr(:

with loves,
claire

picture post. enjoy.

the two dudes.

me and siuk
derek loves doing this to my precious zi lian photos.

group pictures(:

claire-hood & derek-hood

beloved ME(:

BACK ON ICE!!!

i was bored waiting for derek.

i love MYSELF(:

sorry for the UGLY background=X

loves,

claire

she loves alvin.

*COUGH*COUGH*COUGH*

i hate being sick=( went lessie hse ytd. dinner. thanks lessie mum for the dinner=D played dai di. =) i love noel giving the cards. cause then i'll win. muahaha! learned black jack. still i am a failure in it. RAH! now in RFA. i am hungry and i haven taken my med.

anyway. will upload the pics soon=)

PS: i wan to exercise. like soon. muahhaha

loves,
claire

HAPPY 1st MONTHSARY^^

rah. JINYING is sick=( festive season alway makes me fall sick. hyper too much i guess. yesterday was a whole day of coughing. shucks! =( anyway. went lionel hse to eat steamboat. dear was gambling. so i watched incredible tales with eunice and jo. RAH! i got trauma=( anyway. left lionel hse abt 11 plus. dear took me to bird hill. or is it bird hill? i dunno. LOL! walked ard and left to S11 for a drink. and home sweet home. haha. and.... i cant stop laughing. dear.... bye bye. xD inside jokes=) no sharing pls. muahahha. i love dear=) his uber SHYS! anyway. reach home. online. hanakimi and slept. now. i am waiting for derekh to wake up. HE BLOODY OVERSLEPT! RAHHH! i'm so gonna kill him ltr. ice skating=)

be back again=)

with loves,
claire